Loquacious Rhetoric

I recently came across a post in regard to having expectations of other people. The author was feeling very down-troddened over the hurt of having said expectations thrown back in his face. He mused whether it was better to just have none at all… perhaps that would prevent him from being hurt and disappointed.

Just about every person in the world has at least one person that they have hoisted up onto a pedestal, be it conscious or not. Is it scarier to be the person with all the expectations, or to be the sap sitting way up yonder? (wow whoever thought I would use that word?) It is painful when the person you thought was tip-top suddenly topples over, and equally painful for the person who toppled.  Is it really better to abandon all expectations, pedestals, and the like? (oh geez, if I type that e-word one more time…)

First of all, why do we have expectations (oh there it is) at all for other people? What purpose do they serve? To quote Gandalf from LOTR…”it is in man that we must place our hope.” Somehow putting faith in other people is one thing in life that gives us hope. I think we are all even a little bit optimistic, deep down. Why else would someone who has been hurt and betrayed seek out new relationships? They need to hope that not everyone in the world is a villain.

My very wise and wonderful friend Bina used to tell me that I couldn’t not trust anyone forever. At some point, I needed to believe someone…so why not just trust? Not every man is a dog looking for his next roll in the hay (mixing metaphors there), not every woman is a gold-digging tramp, and not every possible friend I meet who reminds me of Martha is going to be the same…we’ll call her “un-friend” to me as she was.

This is not at all to say that we should not have heroes and role models…we just need to remember that they are human, just like us, and prone to make mistakes.  If and when they do mess up, we might want to pause a few minutes before shucking our expectations and booting them from their nose-bleed perch. And we should never stop hoping and expecting humanity to be better than it is right now. Keep the hope alive.

The past few months have really flown by for me. I enrolled in classes for the first time in ten years…the Fall 2008 Semester has been quite a change for me. I was not a very good steward of time or money when I entered Baylor University in the Fall of 1998…I wasted so much there.

I used to joke that I was enrolled at Baylor…didnt attend, was just enrolled. It seemed less shameful when I was laughing about it. I turned down an athletic scholarship because of fear. That and a boy that turned out to not even like me. I also turned down a scholarship to my mother’s alma mater ORU. AND I squandered two years of free tuition from the state of Texas to any public college or university…this was for being the valedictorian of my high school class. There was so much hope placed before me and I was too selfish and afraid to step out and take it.

And now, ten years later…I am 30 yrs old and going back to school. I realized back in July that if I did not do this now, I would be 39 going on 40 and wishing I had done something sooner. I am an English major and starting out (again) at a local junior college. You know what I discovered? For one, I LOVE SCHOOL. I must sound like such a geek/nerd/something for saying that, but I have had a blast these past months.

I determined to myself before stepping onto that campus that I would not waste anymore time or money. God, as He always does, has shown Himself faithful. I honestly believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I didnt think I would learn that much in my Creative Writing class, but I did. (I think there is an earlier entry about my experience) I have another test to take before my grades are official…but I am confidant that I will be closing out this semester with an “A” in every class! 4.0!! I am so so excited! Wow this feels great!

I have lost much ground, but thankfully I will not lose any more. My biggest lesson to learn with/about/concerning God was that I had to trust Him. Refusing to fully trust in Him was keeping my Father from being able to move in my life. I trust that God can, according to His Word, redeem the time that I threw away. I trust that He will provide for my needs and then some. And I trust that He will not allow me to be overtaken in any circumstance.

It is never too late to begin moving in the right direction. Even if its the last hour that you have on this earth…that is still sixty minutes that you can turn yourself around and head for the sun. You have all the time in the world..

Here is another piece that is the product of my Creative Writing class…for many who do not know, I was given her middle name as mine, which is Lenore. And yes, where the name for my site came from. So thank you and rest in peace Grandma Reeva

Dear Sweet Reeva-

Who gave me your name and lingering

Resemblance of deep eyes and a soft

Smile. So many years have trickled and

Rushed by since the day I greeted my

Life and you later beckoned a farewell

To yours.