a whole mess of “what if’s”
The most popular game played by man since Adam and Eve got booted from their gazillion star accommodations into a very different life from the one they had grown very accustomed to. Ever wonder how many times a day “what if I had said no?” or “what if I had just ignored that snake?” burned through Adam and Eve’s heads? That was the Everest of “what if’s.”
And now…we play the game often - sometimes on a daily basis. What we would not give to have one of two “do-overs.” We assure ourselves that, if given another chance, we would get it right and everything would be perfect.
What if I had never befriended Martha Dameron? Or even, what if I had listened early on when people tried to tell me that she was not the kind of friend I held her up to be. Would I be more whole than I am today? Or would someone one else have taken her place as the first friend to break my heart?
What if I had remained pure instead of giving in to youthful stupidity? What if I had said no when it mattered…what if I had fought instead of throwing in the towel that allowed a part of me to break off and remain adrift (even today)?
What if I had never met Lisa? Enough said there.
What if I had treasured love more? If there is anything I could take back…it would be every hurtful thing I had ever done to him. Too many “what if’s” there.
What if I had never worked where I worked? My mind would probably be a lot cleaner.
What if I had not forgotten John…the bad John? What if I had said no then?
What if I had loved myself just a little bit more?
I could “what if” to myself all night, and then some. But where would that get me…other than feeling sad and depressed? As the saying goes, hindsight is always 20/20. We cannot change the Past, but we can learn from it so as not to keep repeating the same mistakes. The Past is to learn from, to sometimes visit through funny stories and fond memories…to recall from time to time. But no matter how good or bad it was, the Past is never meant to be your permenant residence.
What if I had never left New Jersey? Or what if I had gone back when things got tough (like I have in the past)? What if I had decided not to look for a friend on Criag’s List? Would I still have met Victor?
Maybe we were destined to find each other - someway, somehow….find each other and be together. I cannot imagine how my life would be without him.
Lightbulb Moment: If I remain cloistered in the prison of “What If”, I will miss the hope of “what could be”….and most importantly, I will miss the joy of what is happening now.
Yay Kung-Fu Panda: Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.