to the soft pebbles and dark soil that

once gave life to untold seedlings and

fostered a rainbow of fledgling hope.

Do you feel the pain of your prison?

Do you still remember the warmth

of sunlight that once shone without

pretention or demanded payment?

A patch of grass long transpired

and a few shells who lost their way

and found themselves in a cage of glass,

spectacle from atop  a broken bookcase.

I was certainly frustrated by all the little things that continued falling onto my path until I chose to see them in a better light – confirmation that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. So much has changed – I am now taking online classes and my major has changed from Writing to Leadership Studies. I went from a gal with a plan to not quite knowing what will happen after my final 3 semesters are done.

Believe me, for an oft-confessed control freak, I am very much out of my comfort zone in having everything planned and mapped and nailed down. The only thing I know right now is that I am in training. I do not need to know the whole plan yet because I am not ready to do anything about it. So I learn, and learn, and learn some more.

But still, why does it matter? It is another piece of my calling and anointing – another glimpse of who I am created to be. Part of my destiny in God is to write poetry, and I shall revel in that  measure of myself.

The article was a bit quirky and fun to read, but I did not put much thought into it until I came to the point where I could not ignore the spatters, stains, and dusty bunnies any longer. At the time, I lived in a two-story house with too many rooms to figure out where to begin. I used to begin with my bedroom, but that almost always led to me re-arranging my closet and wasting most of the day without really doing anything. So on that day, I decided to try the article’s advice.

Before I could clean the sink I had to empty the pile of dirty dishes into the dish washer. After that, I scrubbed the sink until it was shiny and clean. I was (and still am) amazed at the instant feeling of accomplishment I felt over cleaning a sink. From there I moved on to the counters and the stove top, cleaning and scrubbing every inch of surface. I wiped down the oven and the fridge, and then swept the floor.

By early evening, I had cleaned most of the house AND cleaned more thoroughly than usual. The kitchen sink was the catalyst that motivated me to be productive. My task was not overwhelming because I began with something small and simple. That initial wave of accomplishment was my motivation to keep going. To this day, I still begin cleaning with the kitchen sink.

Humans are like dirty houses – we have many rooms and levels that make up who we are. Too often, we fail when we try to clean up our houses because we seek the whole picture and get overwhelmed at trying to do everything at one time. Adopt a “kitchen sink” mentality – start with small goals and let the motivation carry you along. Instead of feeling hopeless of the 100lbs you need to lose, set a goal to shed 5 lbs instead. Then set a new goal, and keep going until you get to your ideal weight.

Staring at two + more years of college was disheartening, but now I just focus on one semester at a time. Eventually I will get there. My mother often reminds me the correlation between overcoming a mountainous task and eating an elephant – one bite at a time. So grab a sponge or a spoon an get to it. Eventually you will get there.

for the echo. I wait to see

what returns. My memories

are fading leaves blowing

in the breeze and collecting

around my front door. I can

almost remember nothing of

the past that I see sometimes

in shadows. Silence is what

finds me at dusk, as the sun

sets and I keep waiting. The

other chair is empty as I sit

in the dark and wait.

As I was thinking about this assignment, the Lord led me to read through Romans 8. What I found was a surprising number of logical statements in regard to our place in the family of God. Paul was showing us proof of who we are in Christ.

He begins the chapter saying “there is now no condemnation to those who are in Christ,” which is his statement. His explanation to back up his reasoning is in the next verse: “because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set us free from the of sin and death (Rom 8:2).”

Why are we free of condemnation? Because Jesus set us free. A new law was set in motion by Jesus’ actions on the cross (the law of the Spirit of life) that cancels out the old law we were lving under, which is the law of sin and death. Yes, Paul was speaking in spiritual terms on spiritual matters, but he was doing so in an intellectual fashion. Paul was naturally a highly educated man, and he used his natural thinking and reasoning skills to convey Godly truths.

Romans 8:16 is another example of Paul using reason and logic to explain something:”The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.” Paul is plainly telling believers how they fit into the kingdom and family lineage of God. Like a lawyer detailing our connection to a large inheritance – before we can take what we are owed, we have to prove that it is rightfully ours.

In the next verse (Rom 8:17), Paul tells Christians why it is important to know their place as children of God: “Now if we are children (of God), then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs of Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”Paul offers sound reason for why we need to know that we are children of God – because that makes us heirs to an inheritance beyond what we could possibly imagine.

But then I had an eye-opening conversation with my husband. I was separating change before we left on a trip because I knew we would need the quarters for toll fees. As I was doing this, I mentioned my disdane for pennies and even wondered aloud why they were still around (in existence). I then joked that I would stop to pick up a quarter, dime, and even a nickel – but I would not stoop to pick up a penny.

My husband replied by chastizing my attitude towards pennies and said that even they are seeds from God. That one penny could have been sent by God as a means of provision and I just passed it by. And then the Lord began reminding me of instances in the Bible where the smallest amount of anything made the biggest difference – the widow who gave two mites (which probably amounted to less than a penny), the boy who gave his lunch to feed thousands, the widow with only a handful of meal for Elijah. And of course, the faith it takes to move moutains is the size of a mustard seed – smaller than the size of a penny.

Size is not important in the Kingdom of God; in fact, God seems to enjoy using the small to conquer or confound the big. Luke 16:10 says that whoever can be trusted with a little can be trusted with a lot. If we are faithful with the little things that God gives us, then He can trust us to be faithful with the bigger things. I remember a prayer that was said before taking up the offering in the church I grew up in – “…every penny represents a soul for the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Pennies are important, regardless of how little they are. My husband and I now have a new type of coin bank – one for the all our pennies (and other change) that we can sow into the Kingdom of God somewhere. And we believe that every penny we collect and give represents a soul saved out of the kingdom of darkness and into the kingdom of light.

and smiled as though no time

had passed. We talked for hours

on that old porch where I keep

our memories – with the two old

rocking chairs and that painted

sunset that always hangs in the sky.

Maybe someday those words will

live as though we actually said them.

Maybe someday we will greet each

other as old friends, and move

beyond the porch to walk in the

grass and laugh at the wind.

Most of the antics in the movie were funny, but also painful to watch. I kept thinking about my own teenage experiences and the pain that haunted me for years after. I had to wonder, during the movie, what it would be like to finally confront the person who hurt me so badly back then and tell her just how I really feel. Would I feel vindicated somehow? Would a face-to-face really change anything?

The problem that Bell’s character has – the root problem- is that she still sees herself in the same malnourished light as she did in high school. Regardless of the beautiful person she had become, she refused to let go of the past. This is the same reason why I (and I suspect many others) can also relate to that character – we have bound ourselves to our past, and refuse to move beyond whatever painful period we are clinging to.

For Bell, those years in high school were what actually defined her, and not anything she had accomplished beyond that point. And when she finally exacted her revenge, the aftertaste was not as sweet as she thought it would be. Vengeance in the hands of humans never plays out the way we want it to because it is in the wrong hands to begin with.

Long after the credits finished rolling and I turned off my TV, the movie stayed with me. I rooted for the nemesis to get her comeuppance, as though I was also getting something out of it.  I realized that I was still seeking my own vengeance for the past, still bound to something that happened to me so many years ago. But  God is not going to avenge the past for me, and anything I do will only end up causing more pain.

Unlike the characters in the movie, Christians know that the way to move past the hurt is to love. I Corinthians 13 is well-known as the “love chapter,” and is really one of the most powerful sections of the Bible. To walk in God’s love is to be free of all hurts and wrongs, to look at any person and see the best, and to be the light in the world that repels the darkness. Love is seeing the world and oneself from God’s perspective.

So I love the girl who ruined my teenage life… I forgive her, and I hope that she has a good life. I can only go so far into the future with the past bound to my life, so I have to choose one or the other. Letting go of the past may not be easy, but I can do it because I have love and love never fails. It is not a petty sentiment on a greeting card, but a battle cry to the foe that is my past – LOVE NEVER FAILS.